Conflict Resolution Part 2

Dealing with conflict in a godly manner begins by dealing with your own heart. You must address the internal sources of conflict and apply self-control when dealing with disagreements. In addition to dealing with your own heart, the Scriptures do provide practical wisdom for resolving conflict and dealing with disagreements. As one author reminds us, “Jesus taught the unique principles of humility, servanthood, forgiveness, and love, and he promised to send a helper to enable his disciples to live by his teaching” ( Alexander Strauch, If you Bite and Devour One Another: Biblical Principles for Handling Conflict, 2).

The principles taught by Christ in the Scripture and implanted in us by the Spirit lead to some very practical steps for resolving conflict.

Listen Quietly — HUMILITY

Humility is a prerequisite for dealing with conflict in a biblical manner, which is why, at the first sign of conflict, you must listen quietly to the criticisms, oppositions, and even accusations brought against you. The humble recognition that you might be wrong often prevents conflict before it even begins. You need to hear God’s truth even when it comes from someone with whom you are in conflict, this is why you must guard your heart against prideful self-defense and humbly concede that you might be wrong so that you can hear your opponent.

• Key Passages: James 1:19-21; Prov 1:5, 2:2, 10:17 12:1, 15:32, 18:2, 25:12

Seek Clarity — DISCERNMENT

Discernment—the ability to recognize, apply, and clarify truth—is crucial in the midst of conflict. When the emotions of a disagreement are running high, resolution will only come as the truth and its implications are recognized in the details of the situation. You cannot respond faithfully without clarity on the points of disagreement and clarity on the principles from Scripture that are at stake, this is why you must understand the conflict and the applicable biblical truths before you speak with conviction into the situation.

• Key Passages: Prov 18:17, 19:2

Pray Diligently — GRACE

Grace, the kindness of God to help those who do not deserve it, is the only hope sinners have to truly resolve conflict. You cannot deal with the relational tensions of a fallen world apart from the redeeming grace of Christ Jesus. This is why you must devote yourself to prayer as you pursue peace. Too often we are willing to take our difficulties to others in the form of gossips, rather than entrusting our circumstances to God in prayer. If you are going to deal with conflict in a godly fashion, you must run to God in prayer.You need grace in the midst of conflict, and prayer is one of the chief means of grace for conflict resolution. Go to the Lord in prayer in the midst of conflict; ask Him for help, especially that you will be a blessing to the person with whom you are in conflict.

• Key Passages: Matt 5:44; Rom 12:14; 1 Peter 3:9

Respond Submissively — OBEDIENCE

Obedience rendered from a heart submitted to the Lord is an essential ingredient of biblical conflict resolution. Your methods, wisdom, and preferences cannot produce peace. Only obedience to the Lord will lead to the peace of the Lord. In particular, you must resist the urge to submit to your fleshly responses to conflict, and submit your actions to the Holy Spirit. The Spirit always leads us toward the fruit of unity, whereas, our flesh will always lead us toward the works that heighten conflict. Make it your aim to walk in step with the Spirit so that through your submitted heart He will produce peace.

• Key Passage: Gal 5:16-26

Proceed Carefully — PATIENCE

Patience will always be required in order to thoroughly deal with conflict. We must be willing to carefully proceed through the biblical process of addressing conflict if we want to enjoy the biblical promises of unfettered unity. This includes:

• Seeking unity - conflict is the result of sin and selfishness, but God sovereignly co-opts our rebellion for the good of his kingdom purposes. Thus, we must seek to strengthen the unity of the church in conflict (Rom 12:21; Eph 4:1-3).

• speaking the truth - compromising truth will never lead to unity; the truth must be sought and spoken in the midst of conflict (Eph 4:15, 25; James 3:13-18).

• deferring in love - holding on to our personal preferences is the source of much conflict, which is why we must be willing to die to our preferences in order to resolve conflict (Gal 5:13).

• forgiving with mercy - forgiveness—letting go of the sin of others in your own heart and releasing them from the debt they owe you—is essential to conflict resolution; without mercy their is no hope of peace among sinners (Matt 18:21-35; 1 Cor 13:5; Eph 4:32; Col 3:12-13).

• repenting with sincerity - when you are confronted with your sin, you must model what thorough repentance looks like for all to see. Don’t recoil from repentance in order to win an argument and don’t make your repentance contingent upon anyone else’s repentance (Col 3:5; 1 Jn 1:9).

• reconciling with grace - forgiveness is free and immediate, but reconciliation requires both parties to deal with all of the effects of personal offenses created through conflict. Don’t ever be the one to stand in the way of reconciliation (Mt 5:23-24).

• restoring with joy - a heart that has granted forgiveness and stands ready for forgiveness will be eager to restore a sinning brother with joy (Luke 15:11-32; Gal 6:1). The ultimate goal is not to get your way, but to glorify God’s reconciling grace through a unified church body and patterns of forgiveness.