Discipleship for Parents

Parenting is a sensitive subject, even for Christians. We all want to be faithful as parents, but we all have a hard time owning up to shortcomings in our parenting. In fact, there may be no aspect of the Christian life people are more self-conscious of and defensive about than the way they raise their children. I could tell you that your study of Scripture is lacking and you would probably agree. I could tell you that you are really falling off in your service at church and you’d probably agree. I could even tell you that your marriage is not totally what God intends and you’d probably agree (and possibly elaborate). But, when a problem with your child’s behavior or your parenting comes up, everyone is tempted to become defensive. In my experience as a pastor, there is no area of life more difficult to receive correction in than parenting. Parents are prone to excuse, ignore, hide, and be embarrassed by struggles with their kids. Too often, they would rather defend what they are doing than receive discipleship from other godly parents. They act as if there is grace available in every area of life except parenting, so they can’t admit any mistakes in the way they shepherd their children.

As in all areas of the Christian life, parents need to be instructed, admonished, and corrected by faithful brothers and sisters armed with the truth (Ps 141:5; Prov 9:8-9). Parents need this kind of help because the world is propagating all kinds of lies about how to raise children, and they are more likely to fall prey to these lies if they cut themselves off from the counsel of others. Additionally, parents need mature believers and shepherds speaking into the life of their family because their own sinful proclivities work against faithful parenting. The input, accountability, and ministry of the saints protects parents from having their own sinful inclinations permeate their ministry in the home. Plus, kids are totally depraved sinners on their own, which is why families need all the means of grace at their disposal.

"The corruption of nature is deep and universal; your children are born with it, and it will show itself in them betimes, if God prevent it not by his grace. See therefore that you use the remedy diligently, and watch over them with the greater care." (Richard Baxter, The Christian Directory, Part I, Chapter 10)

Here’s the point: you need help to maintain the Christian home. Thankfully, God has offered help to those parents who will humble themselves (James 4:6). One of the greatest graces that the Lord provides for parents is discipleship, but it will require humility to benefit from this grace. As John Owen reminds us, "He that would be wise must first be willing to be a fool in his own eyes, and to learn of others wherein he is ignorant." (The Mortification of Sin, Chapter 13)

Discipleship is an important subject for parents…

Discipleship plays a massive role in the life of a church. As Christians, we should be learning with one another. This is especially important when it comes to parenting. Each new stage of life is a new test for parents that comes with its own new challenges. However, these new challenges are not unique to you and your family. There are families all around you that have faced these same situations and you have the opportunity to learn from them through the grace of discipleship. In other words, you should not have the attitude that you are the first people to ever raise children, but, instead, should seek the wise counsel of those who have faithfully raised children before you. Paul was not specifically addressing parents in Philippians 3:17, but his command is very applicable:

“Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us.” (Philippians 3:17, ESV)

It is easy to find other parents who will commiserate with us in the difficulties of parenthood, but what we really need to find are faithful parents that we can watch and imitate.

"Examples are the most powerful instructors; a godly life is a living sermon, and doth more good than all the discourses in the world." (Thomas Brooks, Precious Remedies Against Satan’s Devices, Remedy 10)

Discipleship is NOT...

It is easy to overcomplicate the biblical concept of discipleship. It is not a modern product of the pragmatic church; it is the biblical concept of learning Christ together with other disciples. In other words, discipleship is about building biblical relationships, not participating in programs.

• Discipleship is not something that only spiritual gurus and biblical experts are qualified to participate in.

• Discipleship does not have to be a formal relationship with meetings and curriculum (although it can be).

• Discipleship is not a commitment to meet every spiritual and relational need a person will ever have.

• Discipleship is not reproducing every decision and preference that a more mature believer has ever made or held.

Discipleship IS...

Discipleship is helping a person conform the convictions of their heart and the patterns of their life to the commands of Christ. This happens by sharing your life with them and speaking biblical truth to them.

• Discipleship is exerting and receiving Christ-like influence in the context of personal relationships.

• Discipleship is sharing our lives with one another so that we can learn the truth of Christ with each other.

• Discipleship is helping others (or allowing others to help you) submit to the Lordship of Christ in the specific situations of everyday life.

Parenting is hard and there is no reason for parents to make it harder by dismissing the grace of discipleship.

Part of this article is an excerpt from The Christian Home: Biblical Principles for Managing and Maintaining a Godly Family