The Dignity of Submission

Submission of any kind is often viewed as a form of oppression, and this is especially true with respect to marriage. Adherence to God’s commands were once mocked as old-fashioned, but now they are attacked as misogyny. The world does everything possible to avoid submitting to the God-ordained functions of a marriage, which is an ominous sign for the future of our culture. God designed marriage as the backbone of culture, but the world has institutionally distorted it because it requires submission

The rejection of submission is not a new problem, which is why Paul had to address the role of submission in marriage:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (Eph 5:22-24)

These verses outline the biblically defined role of a wife in a Christian home, and at its core is the principle of submission. A wife’s submission is not an optional feature of Christian marriage, it is mandated by the Bible. To be sure, this is not a fringe and obscure teaching in the New Testament that can be worked around with some fancy hermeneutics, it is God’s design for all marriages at all times. In fact, this teaching is so clear from the text that we can decisively say that wives cannot live in submission to the Lord if they are not living in biblical submission to their husbands.

Since wives are commanded to submit, it is important to understand what this submission is and what it is not.

To begin with, submission is not servile. The Bible never requires wives to submit because they are inferior to their husband, and any view of submission that implies inferiority is simply unbiblical. Christian women are created in the image of God, redeemed by the blood of Christ, and made co-heirs with Jesus in the exact same way as Christian men. In fact, notice that when Paul speaks of a wife’s submission in verse 22 he intentionally uses a different word than when he speaks of a child’s obedience in 6:1. Husbands, your wives “are heirs with you of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7), and must be treated as such.

Submission is not shyness. The command to submit cannot be obeyed through demurring bashfulness. Submission is ultimately a heart issue, which is why wives cannot uphold the principles of submission through mere external deference—especially in the church. Submission does not mean that wives shouldn’t be noticed or heard by anyone other than their husbands. Wives are under leadership not the “mediatorship” of their husbands. A Christian wife’s entire spiritual life does not need to run through the direct involvement of her husband. The “one anothers” and Great Commission equally apply to wives, who are required to be active members of the body and servants of Christ.

Submission is not silence. The command to submit does not call for silence. Wives must not think, “I can’t point out weakness or sin in my husband’s life because I must submit.” Marriage is supposed to be the primary discipleship and accountability relationship that a married couple enjoys. This means wives must be able to speak into the spiritual lives of their husbands, which does not contradict the principle of submission. Wives are helpmates, and there is no greater help than to speak into their husband’s life at a spiritual and practical level (Prov 31:26).

Submission is not subversive. The command to submit does not allow for cunning and guile. Wives must not think, “I’ll submit to him once I convince him to do what I want him to do.” The temptation for some wives is to outwardly appear submissive, but inwardly devise ways for their husbands to follow their lead, which is not submission. Manipulation is not another name for submission. In fact, manipulation is the polar opposite of submission since it is an attempt to control others for selfish purposes.

To this, we can add that:

• Submission does not mean wives should submit if their husbands demand they sin

• Submission does not mean husbands micromanage every detail of their wive’s lives.

• Submission not mean that “all men” have authority over every woman.

So what does submission look like in practice? Submission can be described in the following ways:

RECOGNIZING: Submission begins by recognizing and honoring your God-given role with its life directing priorities. Titus 2:5 captures this role and the priorities that come with it: “so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” This is the primary sphere of ministry and influence for a wife and mom, her primary duties revolve around managing and maintaining a spiritually-ordered home life.

RESPONDING: Submission shares in the responsibilities and ministry created by your husband’s leadership. A husband’s leadership often creates more work and responsibility for his wife. Husbands must be aware of this and be careful not to place a greater burden on their wives than they are willing to bear themselves. It is unfair and unbiblical, for instance, to require your wife to maintain a full-time job and manage the affairs of the household with little or no help from you (1 Pt 3:7). That being said, submitting to the extra labors that arise from the leadership decisions of husbands, is required from wives, who are to be “helpers” to their husbands (Gen 2:18).

REENFORCING: Submission openly supports and honors your husband’s leadership. A wife who “bad mouths” her husband or the decision that he has made is not submitting. This does not means that wives must always agree with their husband’s leadership, nor does it imply that they can’t express their hesitations to their husband. However, a submissive wife will support her husband’s leadership both within the home to children, and outside the home to anyone else with whom she comes into contact (Prov 31:23).

REJOICING: Submission rejoices in the spiritual beauty and adornment of God’s design:

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands… . (1 Pt 3:1-5)

RESTING: Submission rests in a husband’s decisions knowing God is ultimately in control. As Sarah demonstrated in the Old Testament, fear and anxiety is not an excuse to disregard your husband’s shepherding: “as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening” (1 Pt 3:6).

RESPECTING: Submission can be summed up as a humble respect for your husband’s influence over your life and your family (5:33). You may not always agree with him, but you respect him and you respect the fact that God has placed him at the head of your home.